April 01, 2007

Beef Bandages

Remember when folks used to put beefsteak on a black eye? Well, now you can put a Beef Bandage on a wound or blister. That's right, through the miracle of modern medicine, realistic replicas of T-bone steaks are now available in 2 sizes to warm the hearts and ease the fears of your littlest patients. Have fun while doing good.

The supplier, Accoutrements, also offers Bacon Strips, Bacon and Eggs, Boo Boo Kisses, Skin Art (Tattoos), and more, all realistic.


Nordic Ski Patrolling for Dummies

In this one book you’ll learn all you need to know to be an expert nordic ski patroller in one reading. Thrill to the mysteries of medicine; elevate your pulse with pictures of skis! Learn how to tell the right ski from the left and how bindings are used.

Written by an expert committee of patrollers, it comes highly recommended. Chapters include ski fashion, diet, and style. Not sold in stores. Coming soon: Nordic Ski Patrolling for Seniors.

3M™ Precise™ Vista Disposable Skin Stapler

Serious injuries call for serious tools. The 3M™ Precise™ Vista Disposable Skin Stapler enables any patroller to staple gaping lacerations with virtually no training. You can be your own MD! Establish better patroller-patient relationships when you can do the job yourself. Not recommended for eye injuries.

You just can’t beat the convenience of stapling-while-you-wait. At only $22.95, who can afford to pass this up? Available now at Cabela’s and wherever do-it-yourself tools are sold.

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Snowmobile for Patrol

Up until now, only employees of mountain management were allowed to operate snowmobiles. With the new ownership of the Mountain, rules have changed. Your patrol has recently ordered its own snow machine.

The Siberiade Improved Patent Snow Phaeton Deluxe incorporates novel features which make it suitable for our conditions. A front propeller provides the motive force, long runners afford stability and flotation, whilst the carriage comfortably seats six. Ladies are advised that the ride is most safe and not at all immodest.

Mountain Bike Patrol

The patrol’s Executive Council has been considering the creation of a mountain bike patrol at the mountain and has contacted NEMBA (New England Mountain Bike Association) for consultation.

In order to facilitate versatility in both snow and bike patrolling, we have adopted the KTrak bike shown above. This is an all-terrain, all-season bike, fitted with a runner in front and traction snow track in rear. In the absence of snow, the front ski is easily replaced by a standard bicycle wheel. The Mountain has generously ordered ten of these in order to accommodate patrollers.

You shall be notified when these arrive and are invited to take a test drive up the Chute.

Annual Patrol Banquet News

Your patrol announces a new venue for its Annual Awards Banquet. This year’s event will be held at Little Pigs Bar-B-Q Restaurant. The menu is new and exciting, a veritable gustatory treat. You’ll squeal with delight over the offerings. The side dishes are collard and turnip greens, hog maws, and chittlins. Desserts include sweet potato and pecan pies, both drenched in Southern Comfort. Pig out in style among friends.

The date is Saturday, May 5. Watch for e-mail announcing the menu options and directions.

We regret that there will be no vegetarian offerings.